Thursday, July 22, 2004
Tough Truths
This is the entry I wrote for Blogswap last week
You are being obnoxious! Be the real Tim.
I had heard these statements enough times before to understand that it meant that people didn't like the way I behaved, but unfortunately my social skills were not developed enough for me to manage my personality so as to avoid being told this.
For years as a teenager and into young adult hood, I had developed a facade, a persona that managed to get by in company, around older adults and employers, but amongst my peers and people who knew me well this didn't work quite as well.
I drove many of my acquaintances away and struggled to develop real close friendships. Even those seemed to be short-lived intense relationships, both with male friends as well as girlfriends. My personality was very intense and focused and not many people could handle that.
It wasn't until a very special friend, Ross and his wife Jan, loved me for who I was, and along with their family, who had obviously learnt from their parents, taught me that it was OK to be Tim that I was able to start developing the private personality that had stayed hidden behind the brash, arrogant and obnoxious persona.
Finally I had found people who accepted me as I was and encouraged me to drop the annoying characteristics and attitudes and learn to be more sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of those around me. Thanks Ross and Jan, Glen, Daryl and Mel, Brendan and Rosalie and Kayley.
Since then I have found numerous other people whose families operate the same unconditional love both within and without. I believe that the ability to develop and teach unconditional love in a family is the most important skill a father can pass on to his children. I see family relationships where the parents are emotionally immature and unstable and use the kids as bargaining chips against each other. This is destabilising to say the least.
I am thankful to God for putting Ross and Jan, John and Robyn and Terry and Diane in my path when I needed them. I hope that I can practice the same attitude and teach it to my children also. If I could be of help to someone the way they were to me that would be a fantastic reward.
You are being obnoxious! Be the real Tim.
I had heard these statements enough times before to understand that it meant that people didn't like the way I behaved, but unfortunately my social skills were not developed enough for me to manage my personality so as to avoid being told this.
For years as a teenager and into young adult hood, I had developed a facade, a persona that managed to get by in company, around older adults and employers, but amongst my peers and people who knew me well this didn't work quite as well.
I drove many of my acquaintances away and struggled to develop real close friendships. Even those seemed to be short-lived intense relationships, both with male friends as well as girlfriends. My personality was very intense and focused and not many people could handle that.
It wasn't until a very special friend, Ross and his wife Jan, loved me for who I was, and along with their family, who had obviously learnt from their parents, taught me that it was OK to be Tim that I was able to start developing the private personality that had stayed hidden behind the brash, arrogant and obnoxious persona.
Finally I had found people who accepted me as I was and encouraged me to drop the annoying characteristics and attitudes and learn to be more sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of those around me. Thanks Ross and Jan, Glen, Daryl and Mel, Brendan and Rosalie and Kayley.
Since then I have found numerous other people whose families operate the same unconditional love both within and without. I believe that the ability to develop and teach unconditional love in a family is the most important skill a father can pass on to his children. I see family relationships where the parents are emotionally immature and unstable and use the kids as bargaining chips against each other. This is destabilising to say the least.
I am thankful to God for putting Ross and Jan, John and Robyn and Terry and Diane in my path when I needed them. I hope that I can practice the same attitude and teach it to my children also. If I could be of help to someone the way they were to me that would be a fantastic reward.
